11 October 2015


To those that doubt me, spite me and enjoy hurting others:

I have endured an immense amount of pain and trauma during the last two years of my life. 
I feel as though, I am plotted against by those that are broken. 

I am broken, you are broken, we are all broken in some way or another. 

Brokenness can be described in my words: A person without the ability to cope or insufficient abilities or lack of education in coping, a jealous person, a sociopath, a previously abused individual (mentally, physically, or verbally), those that have been bullied, beaten up, drug through the mud, those suffering from mental illness, those that accept the awful hand they are dealt without fighting back, those who think money is everything yet love is nothing, child abusers, naysayers, pessimists, those who manipulate or demand the ability to control every situation. Those whom are addicts smoking, drinking, gambling, porn, compulsive eating, ect. The list can continue forever. 

Those who are broken have choices:   
1. seek help: addictive personalities tend to "cope" by becoming addicted to what make them happy and escape reality.
2. Blame others: historically I have seen this as a trend amongst control freaks, sociopaths and women. 
3: Denial: Some broken individuals, will never realize the state or their brokenness as they continue down the path of evil, these individuals will   Hurt others through slanderous acts, betrayal, lies and manipulation. These broken individuals are the ones, that I feel for the most. When a person can convince another individual of lies and manipulate others without any feelings of remorse, it is scary. 
I am a believer in Christ. 
I believe that through the acts that have been bestowed upon me by a broken one, my life will only achieve greatness. I am a survivor, I am a leader and a fisher of men. I believe the truth always comes out in one way or another. 

I look back at the story of Job. 
Job was a humble man. His life was filled with trials and tribulations but yet he never doubted God. 
He had a purpose. 

I do believe that everyone has a purpose in life. 
I know that my purpose is to help others. 
As, I walk down my path of life I doubt myself A LOT. 
I question whether or not the decisions I make are correct, REPEATEDLY. 

Sometimes I feel as though, I am alone in this gigantic world. 
With the sadness, tragedies and loss I have endured I have come to realize that I am God's child. 
I choose my destination, whether or not I choose the correct path that God has chosen for me, God is with me. Our God is a forgiving God.
Me, not so much. Forgiveness is difficult for me. 
I struggle to forgive those that have hurt me. Those that have slandered me. Those that have made false accusations about me. 

I fail as a Christian, daily. As I am sure we all do. 
We are not perfect, yet we strive to be and fail. 
If you have never failed at anything, you have never tried anything. 

Forgiveness is definitely a set-back for me. 

Why should I forgive people that are so mean, so hateful, so vindictive and spiteful against me?

Because Jesus would. 

This is definitely a life goal to forgive those that have harmed me. 

Sometimes, I wonder why would these things happen to me, why does God have so much faith in me when I do not feel the faith within myself. 

I've been told God, will not give one more than they can handle. 
Wow, he must really think I am Iron Mom. 

As I conclude, I will continue to be the best human I can, I will attempt to forgive those that sin against me (it's a process and I am stubborn), I will continue to help others and help guide those that seek guidance. 

In the meantime, I ask this, who have you not forgiven? Are you broken? What is your coping mechanism after an attack by a broken one? 

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